imagine the abilty to express your heart through a way you couldnt throgh words. the keys a ratta - tat tating instead of the mouth blahblahing. you could be in any location you could imagaine from the runing waves that suround our homes to the forest.

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A song to sing

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1 A song to sing on Fri Aug 05, 2011 4:35 am


A Song to Sing
A pair of cold grey eyes starred me down. The same lady that had tied me up seconds ago was pulling out a leather whip and ran her fingers threw her short black hair. I think that I pissed her off because I wasn’t crying and begging for mercy, and even though it could save me some whippings I won’t. she is behind me I can feel her eagle like eyes piercing its ways through me and when she will circle around teasing me by rubbing the whip along my old wounds I won’t cry I meet her with the same cruelty in my golden green eyes ill make sure that hope or pain won’t show. I hate pissing the lady off but I will be strong.
A month ago they kidnapped me. A month ago the lady with black hair and grey eyes aka she devil started etching bloody trees into my back and sides making sure the branches were just as long as the rest. a month ago when I was running away they shot me and I let them have the pleasure of seeing me cry day after day. That was a month ago and I don’t let them have the pleasure anymore because in two days they will start a new type of torture they will whip me bloody and make sure I bleed badly when the bullet lands in some random place of my body. In two days if my ransom isn’t paid if my father doesn’t meet them under the bridge without any cops. If all of that doesn’t happens I will be dead in some whole without a coffin.
The same man that threw me into the the rusty bed of a pickup truck the day I was kidnapped came down and looked me square in the eyes. I call him baldy because even though he is buffer and stronger than any wrestling person on TV I have ever seen he is still bald. He throws my dinner, rice and some kind of spoiled soup, onto the basement floor. They like to see me eat it off the floor and for once I let my face show my hate. I hate them for kidnapping me I hate them for repeatedly beating me even though I wasn’t the one who borrowed from this stupid gang. I hate them for treating me like dirt. But they don’t care they just snicker and watch me hungrily scoop up the goop with my hands as I stuff my face. One time when I refused to eat it that way they sent the two pit bulls they owned and made me watch as they ate my food. Its imposable for me to refuse the food because I know that I won’t know when I will get another meal. That’s the thing I hate the most about being here. Not the food even though it’s probably worst than my younger sisters cooking. Not the people even though they are pretty much second place, but the torture. Yes I know that my captors are hardly as bad as the Nazi people who tortured Jews but still this could place second. My cell is only a small section of the basement right under the stairs. Every day since I got here they have dragged me out of the broom closet like room and tide me down to a stool and tried to get me to cry for them. They have whipped me, taken a rusty knife and carved random things into my skin without numbing my arm, heck they even acted like rednecks a couple of times and shot me.
The thing hate the most is I am starting to forgot my already faded memories. I am starting to forget what the sun is like. Down here in the basement I can’t feel anything but cold. I don’t remember what a bird sounds like I only remember what the sound of a whip or cries from my prison mate, another random kid who’s parents couldn’t pay the post war taxes and ending up borrowing from this stupid gang, sometimes they leave the door cracked and I hear the news on but all I hear is of how America won’t be able to get off its feet after 20 years in a nuclear war, the war that was suppose to end the world, world war III. It reminds me of before I was captured but it still isn’t as satisfying as my memories of the birds singing there sweet songs. Then again its painful to remember. So I let the memories fade from existence. My younger sisters cooking, mom telling me to clean up my room, my dad’s swearing about needing work, everything haunts me, tortures me mentally because somehow deep within I know that I won’t feel these things again or even hear my mother’s concerned ranting because I’ll be dead in 48 hours. And then I remember the one thing I don’t want to, a bee sting to my already broken body.
Mom stands over me and I stand up and look at her “yes mam?”
She sighs and gets it out with “you have been listening haven’t you?”
I nod, that is all I can do since the pain in her eyes has shut me up. I don’t mean to hurt her but I’d like to know my own fate since it’s the topic of the centaury in my family so its kinda hard to avoid the hushed conversation between them at night.
She frowns and sits on the couch. My eight year old sister hops on her lap. She is the same as always sucking up to my mother and getting her ways. ”Maria you know that I don’t want do but we need food its hard enough that the soup kitchen wont except you and your older brother but soon they’ll lower the age again and Lisa won’t count. Maybe if you get a job at the soup kitchen…”
I sigh she always wants me to get a job and help ‘support’ the family. She frowns she knows that I’m mad now and that I will not respond a helpful trait curdiest of the man who brought me into the world and I have every right to be mad. Wait I’m not mad I’m furious not exactly at my mom it’s hard to be mad at your own mother. No I was furious at America. For not being ‘the land of free’ it promised to be so long ago. It’s so darn twisted now that my own parents could put me as collateral for a loan, a loan not from the government but openly from a gang. All because stupid, stupid, stupid America, went back to slavery and there is nowhere to run. After WWIII and America finally paid its allies back, money and supplies disappeared leaving the economy to slump around depressed in its ruins. Basically for those of us who were to slow to understand it shut down. Gas jerked its way up to a record twenty dollars a gallon, event the rich people couldn’t afford it well what was left of the hording rich people. Every one lost jobs and those who had it were not making enough to survive. The thirst for the underground and the black market rose. It pushed gangs and violence to be found on every corner because now they had no reason to hide the police was gone. And when you thought it couldn’t get worse it did because all of the government programs disappeared. The first the job inspired ones, no matter how much people tried if you didn’t fit in on the way the people look you weren’t hired or if you had a job you fired. Every one hated when the poor inspired ones were destroyed, no one had the money to support another person but their consciences were distressed when they passed a less fortunate person. The retired people were down on their knees as the when the social security was gone. amazingly all of this happened within a month after the war. Everyone started to fight for the next meal they desperately needed at the soup kitchens and charity houses but were turned away with only disappointment because only children and elderly got meals. No other program was left to save us because at age thirteen you were considered a adult. All the things that were once so helpful became our worst enemies and our enemies our friends. America apparently got smart before abandoning its own people and built a 100ft high iron gate to surround the whole United States. if you were lucky and lived close to the gate you got a job to patrol it and shot who ever came within a fifteen mile radius. No country could touch the fence anyways because of the barb wire wrapped around the black poles with sharp spiked tops. Nobody saw it as a sign that America was about to change drastically because everyone was too wrapped up in other things like always. We have done what nobody expected; we cut our selves of from our allies, even though it was probably when we need them most because no one knew how to survive without our precious imports. In my dreams I live in another country, maybe another world anything to prevent me from being sold into slavery. Sometimes being murdered seams better than being sold into slavery and since the possibility of being kidnapped by aliens was ruled out a long time ago I only have those to choices. But that’s in my dreams a place I would rather be than starring at my mom who fights tears back every time I walk by her and I see the ‘my baby dead look written all over her face’ it makes me want to scream ‘I am still here mom look at me” but she will just turn away and face the wall secretly letting the tears roll down her beautiful face that cheered me up when I was little and upset.
Only hate seams to fill me now but it feels different that the furious feeling that filled me last year. This time it’s pointed toward my family and other things, it comes with questions that I can’t answer and now my mom my one true advisor can’t either. I still wonder ‘what the heck was she thinking’ and ‘did she regret having me her middle child?’ did I cause so much pain that every time she looked at the threats from the gang ‘Moth Eaters’ her face would scrunch up with a look of disgust and pain so that she seemed like she wasn’t even my mother? She was put out of her of her misery before I got the courage to ask anything. She caught what the America was dreading a new virus called A.N.L. ‘atra nullus levis’ a virus that like any sickness caused you to be tired confused loss of memory nauseous and other symptoms but also it was different because while you looked like you had a regular cold on the outside on the inside your blood was literally boiling to steam until at last you died of blood lost and malnutrition. My brother was the first to die he quietly passed in the middle of the night but like other Americans we ignored what was right in front of us and thought it was normal. It wasn’t until my mom passed that my dad started screaming bloody murder and then he just stopped. He stopped caring he stopped eating he stooped living one might say. My dad would frown at me every time I passed him before I got kidnapped as if it was my fault. Or maybe it was my appearance I had her golden green eyes and clear face along with her brown hair genetics only gave my father’s personality and cursed me with my mother’s looks. My street smarts were my own earned by living my life and doing other things I only halfway regret. That’s how I know I am going to die because I reminded my dad to much of my own mother and because we didn’t have the money to pay back the Moth Eaters but mostly the first reason. There was a scream and I snapped from my thoughts to the real world instantly and saw crybaby on the chair with the devil holding a new toy a long bamboo stick at his back. She grinned happy for the entertainment and lifted the bamboo stick slowly. I don’t look away and pray that he is numb to the pain. Crybaby proves me wrong and starts screaming loudly and jerked around in his chair before she even touches him with the bamboo. The next thing I heard was a thunder like bang from on the stairs. I looked up and saw baldy come down the stairs and then I looked back at she devil and grinned at the glare she had. Sometimes it was hard to believe that they were married because of the way they acted at times. he smiled and grabbed her by the hips pulling her close, the same gross move he does, when he knows he is in the dog house and kissed her “bosses orders he was disturbing the guest and you know important those guest are.” Then he picked her up bridal style and carried her up the stairs kissing her every step they take. Okay so in my personal opinion that is more torture than being whipped because it is so darn gross and manages to make me want to puke. Then I hear a whisper and tense automatically as I turn around to face a teenager. He repeated his question a little louder “is this our fate.” Something about him makes me want to relax and treat him like a lost soul but my wits intervene and tell me the most important rule of surviving in this hopeless country ‘never trust anyone and stick to your own.’
I nod at him and move to my rug on the floor currently serving as a mattress “at the auction no one bid on him and his parents like many of ours could not afford the ransom”. The look he gives me is a mixture of pity and scared so I sigh. The person to share this room was a mean female dog, really a ugly 17 year old girl, who beat me up worse than the she devil and stole my mattress. Thankfully they killed her three weeks ago 9the end of my first week here I figure its because she devil was sick of my screaming and her not being the cause of that pain). I wonder why they put a boy and a girl in the same cell, were they just that stupid or did the moth eaters think it would be funny, either way I was stuck with him for the next two days since I already had my auction. He remained quiet and it gave me some time to study his appearance in the dim lighting he had greasy black hair and cat like green eyes. It kinda felt awkward since my dad and my brother were the only guys I really knew.
He got up, he had to be at least 5’4, and made his way over to the cell door and looked at the body “what are they going to do with the body.”
I frowned “hopefully feed it to the dogs because I am not looking forward to dead people in my rice tomorrow and believe me they do it.”
He starred at me with disbelief and frowned “you’re lying to me because I’m a newbie no one could be that cruel.”
I shook my head and leaned against the cold concrete wall “nope they have done it before, the girl from the next cell over was in my dinner the day I got here and I was stupid enough to eat the food.”
He frowned and sat down quietly “how long do you have?”
This time it was my turn to keep quiet no one in this place liked to think about how long they had and even though I was just doing it I really didn’t want to do it again it because it makes me think of life outside of this stupid prison
He immediately changed the subject when he saw the pained look on my face “I am Daniel people call me Danny.”
“I’m Maria people call me mar. though some people call me Dustin for some reason” I winced telling him her street name might not be the best thing because if the head of Moth eaters found out that they had the ‘Dustin ’ I might die quicker or worst they’d put me to work here.
His eyes got huge and he sat forward and whispered “oh my god you’re the Dustin in the flesh the same Dustin who started steeling food from several food markets at age 10 and gave it to a orphanage. Oh and one time you knocked out a gang with only your fist. Like they said you were a dude guess they were just embarrassed wait are you Dustin?”
I let him catch his breath and looked around to make sure no one was listening. Sure enough like always everyone was listening wanting to get in on the latest gossip. I said as loud as I could without being loud enough for the upstairs to hear me “nah I had an uncle Dustin they say I was his clone because I looked and acted like him” a look of disappointment flashed across his face and I frowned couldn’t he tell that I was lying, man I hated to disappoint another fan but this guy is so loud and I couldn’t risk giving myself up.
Daniel nodded clearly disappointed and sighed “so what do we do before the whole torture thing”
All I could do was look at him like he was crazy did he not see that we were locked in a room closet with nothing surrounding us but other cells and poles with people tied to it. “Nothing we just sit here”
He frowned “what is the torture like I mean is I know its painful but I’d like to know so I can be ready”
She stopped him from saying anything else and hissed “do you want advice kid don’t anticipate don’t assume and aggravate” that was rule number two to surviving. I might as well take him under my wing because this kid will probably not survive even though he is taller stronger and probably older than me. “The key to torture is those three things because the torture lies not in the amount of punches or hits you get but in the seconds between the fists is raised and when it slaps it against your back.”
Daniel looked at me shocked like I was some totally different than the girl in front of him but … in front of the crowd screaming ‘the world isn’t flat is round it’s called a sphere’ okay maybe he found some dye after he raided the store because this kid is acting as blond as I am a older person telling you how to survive world war II. He quickly shook the look from his face and whispered “you are -”
I shoved my hand over his mouth before he could say it and hissed “took you long enough Sherlock just keep quiet because the walls have ears”
He nodded and frowned “why did you lie and quit treating me like a two year old I am seventeen”
I sighed and hit her head on the wall “listen you maybe seventeen but you act like you are a two year old, if people know who I am it will bad news for all of us because they will force me to work for them” than I slumped against the wall “besides Dustin of the hood died along with the people during the first wave of the A.N.L last year” nobody knew that my split personality was Dustin, someone I planned to never be again I lost the will to be robin hood when my brother died
He frowned at her “why you were awesome and the day you saved the orphanage from shutting down you were my hero because you brought me food.”
I winced great another adoring fan that can’t stop talking about the past “listen another rule of surviving this place don’t talk about Dustin he is just a revolt who refused to let other people die because he couldn’t even help his own family and in the end he died the same night his brother died.” He didn’t respond Daniel just sat there and looked at the ground.
“so that’s why you stopped coming around” he whispered and then he looked up “that’s why I am here because the orphanage shut down and split up the kids half of them went to the vipers and half of them went here”
I finally snapped “so what am I supposed to do about it what do you want for me to swoop down in that stupid baseball cap with my hair pinned up like a boy and that stupid baseball jersey and jeans. Do you except me to be able to rescue one hundred and fifty kids?” My face was crimson color and my fists were balled up. I hate it when people look at me desperately or treat me like the friggin second coming of Jesus. I can’t stand the fact that I saved them and yet I couldn’t even save my brother or my mother. why to them did I symbolize something I wasn’t “whatever listen we get limited sleeping time and right now you are disturbing it so get your happy fan crazed butt to bed before I force it there.” My rug offered no comfort and no protection to the dead thoughts coming back to me. Sleep isn’t coming tonight and I knew it. this was part of the torture your memories, even the happy ones, brought tears to your eyes and pain in your mental heart, a place where no whip no bamboo stick or even gun could reach. I had my pain to though I never showed it I felt at lost when my brother withered away and mom disappeared. They blew away from my life and left me with nothing but sadness that no old jersey of my brothers or jewelry of my mom could cure. Maybe if I listen to the snoring I can find myself some sleep or at least somewhere in between, counting the sheep never helped but for some reason when everyone else was sleeping I could go to sleep dad says it’s my protective instincts going to work well he used to say and he also said that while I was a baby that if they weren’t asleep I wouldn’t go to sleep either so they had to pretend to sleep and I’d quickly fall asleep. There is a snore missing, Daniel has his eyes closed but you can see he’s faking. I throw a rock at him “go to sleep”
He sat up and starred at me “I can’t”
“What do you want for me to sing a lullaby” I growled
He looked at me seriously “please”
What? Is this a joke? “You’re older than me and you need me to sing you to sleep you have got to be kidding me”
He frowned and looked at me “I am not, the lady at the orphanage had a crank record players um I think it was called a gramophone”
I sighed if I want to sleep I guess I have to “okay but tomorrow you better grow up and fall asleep when I tell you to” I frowned and started to sing with a mix somewhere between alto and soprano
“Whisper tonight
Pray tell
Come out of your little shell
Dream of the little people on the river’s edge
Whose stories they tell?
No one knows of the freedoms they speak
No one listened to them
Listen little one
Sleep, sleep to their stories
Sit on the river’s edge
With them tonight
Come sleep little one
Come sleep and stay that way
Cherish this night and cherish the day
Just Sleep, sleep little one”
When I heard his snoring and I relaxed and before I knew it she was asleep to. The next morning or afternoon she woke up feeling weird like I had a stiff neck. I sat up and looked down and saw that Daniel had taken his rug and rolled it up for a pillow for me and he had taken his ripped jacket and put it over her. He saw me sit up and smiled “morning”
I rolled my eyes such a newbie and stretched “what’s up early bird” then I stood up and looked at the other cells “where is everyone else?”
Daniel shrugged “dunno they came in and took them about three minutes ago.” My jaw must have dropped because he leaned forward and shut my mouth with two fingers “watch it flies will fly in”
I frowned and pushed him away “why didn’t you wake me up don’t you see that every move the eaters make is important you must always watch their move if you don’t they could kill you before you can say ‘what?”
He looked at me again like I was Galileo and I wanted to slap him but couldn’t because she devil and baldy came down the stairs. She devil grabbed my left arm and jerked me out of the closet and up the stairs hope newbie didn’t get treated this way because he would probably cry. They shuffled into a room full of dresses that remind you of the nobles from the Victorian age. The silks hung gracefully off the hanger so they wouldn’t wrinkle. She devil picked up several layers of the silk “get undressed beside your unders” I nodded and did as she said. She forced a corset onto me and tided it tight to where I couldn’t breathe. Then she forced me into a heavy embroidered bodice and thick skirt that was the same color as a rose. “you are lucky a very important customer of ours and if screw this up…” she jerked my bodice that was low cut and tied at the back “I will make sure you pay when I kill you” I remained quiet and went into the bidding room. Another thing that reminded me of the Victorian age was this room, it was covered from top to bottom in vintage styled furniture and Persian rug. They lined us up on the in a straight line with our back against the wall and shoulders touching each others. Daniel was beside me and severely quiet.
Before the jerk who was going to buy us shuffled in I turned my attention to preparing him. “Daniel remembers what I said earlier and another thing if they ask you to model do it like you’re a model if they ask you to play a instrument do it like a pro.”
He nodded “m’kay but what do I do if someone bids on me and not you or vice versa”
I frowned if he was older why the heck he was so dependent? “Find someone who will take you under their wing and stick to them like glue until you think you able to support yourself”
He nodded “it was nice to meet you Maria let’s hope that our fate is the same”
What was fate? A cruel person that didn’t like seeing any other person happy and isn’t that same person that feeds off of our life of our craziness, sadness, stubbornness, and anger. not once have I herd of someone who has a fate that has happy. Not in my own life time I haven’t life has been too difficult to have a rich, wonderful life, unless of course you are rich. A fat stubby man wobbled into the room and looked them over then looked at a list, then left immediately. See what I mean no one is going to have a good life before their end because I am sure she devil and baldy promised every one of us the same thing, we would be beaten to death. As if to prove me wrong that the rich always get there way the fat man, (I think I will call him bob since whenever he moves his head, hair and fat bobs) came back in with two boys twins I think and a little girl about five. No one moved and he cleared his throat “if you are not one of the following please leave” he pulled out his reading glasses and looked back at the list “I need two performers, a playmate/ nanny for my daughter and two female toys for my twin sons” I pray my expression remained the same as the younger preteen girls and younger boys left leaving us with 12 girls (the youngest girls staid) and 3 boys thankful Daniel was one of them something made me reach for his hand for once I was scared at my last auction the guy was looking for the same thing as the twins but it went a little different and I kicked him where the sun don’t shine. So they lost a valuable costumer and I got the crap beat out of me. Daniels hand was warm and rough he squeezed my hand and I saw a smile form slightly from the corner of my eye. The twins came over and slowly started to pick their ‘toys’ and I had to let go of Daniels hand as they boys nodded at each other.
“All of the girls step forward please” the red head yelled
“Stand up straight” the blonde instructed. We did as we told and watched them run their cold eyes over us. all I could do to protect myself from being picked was think the same thing and hoped they read minds ‘you two are idiots I will never do as you ask’ the redheads eyes found me and stood in front of me .
“wow you do give us a challenge Syth ” he grinned at me and I kept saying my mantra in my mind ‘never in my life will I do something like that for you I would rather scream I am Dustin in front of a whole bunch of gang leaders’
The moth eater leader (I guess is Syth) ginned but his father stopped him from saying anything “boys you know you only get one toy each and that is it now chose”
The blond sighed and rolled his eyes “okay dad on it” he walked over to where his brother was still standing and looked at the girl beside me I was to focused on the red head to notice him nodding at me ‘if you so much as lay a hand on me I will find that gun baldy has and shoot you” the red head flinched breaking his eye contact and moved to the other side of the room and pulled out a girl that was checking him out (okay so I guess some of the girls didn’t understand what the father meant either that they really wanted to be some guys mistress) I do admit the twins where good looking they both looked more fit then the father (they both had washboard abs that you could see under their tank tops) but something about their personality both of them seam spoiled and cruel . the blond turned his attention to me and looked me up and down grinning ‘I will do nothing for you if you pick me I will make sure that you are trampled by your own horses in fact I will push you in front of one and spook it myself’ . he didn’t move and kept on starring at me I was starting to get nervous but the red head saved me by touching the red heads shoulder
“that girl aint got nothing but trouble written all over her face you better not” the red head said and held hands with the girl he had chosen they already looked like a happy (except for the sly look on the red head’s face) man remind me to thank him if I get chosen, well not in his ways but I guess I could make my famous cookies.
“man you know me I like feisty girls they don’t wear out as fast” he said back not taking his eyes off of me and for once I let my disgust show on my face he looked entertained and whispered in my ear “the harder they try the longer they have to fall.” He enjoyed my response which was a shiver up my spine.
He finally decided on a girl who was a little farther down from me and looked like she wanted to shoot him. the little spoiled girl had ran out of place and picked a girl we call China out of line (we call her China because she reminds you of the porcelain dolls you can find in the magazine) the dad sighed “will all of the older girls who cannot perform leave”

I stood still at the orphanage we were thought how to dance and how to play a instrument but never to sing because grandma (she was a old lady who loved to teach us and tell us stories) believed that every child had it in them to play a instrument but it took real talent to sing. All of the kids except for 2 girls and the other two boys staid (one girl was Maria thankfully) and I got nervous because if what Maria had said was true than this was my one and only chance to escape being beaten to death something I pray I don’t have to do. Maria is back at my side except for she is holding my hand and it is shaking before when she was holding my hand she seemed more confident like the way I imaged the Dustin would hold our hands as a kid now she makes it feel as if I am Dustin and she is the little kid seeking for someone to save her. the problem is I don’t really save her I don’t know how to survive in this world. grandma had cut us off and led us to believe that we were children off god who would protect us and only two days out of the orphanage I can see she is wrong. The man had already pushed two people away a girl and a boy. I started getting nervous and I squeezed Maria’s hand she squeezed it back and the man stood in front of the boy beside me (he reminded me of a band poster grandma had hanging on the wall I don’t remember the name but he had the rocker typer going on) the boy slid easily over a octave in bass. The man nodded and pulled him out of the line “what’s your name child I can hear it in your voice the talent you have”
the boy didn’t answer and looked down Syth laughed and answered “he don’t know his name the only reason we kept this child alive for this long is his voice. we figured someone give him a name sooner or later whenever they bought him his mama abandoned him as three year old neva told us his name. Taylor you sure you want this one?”
The man Syth called Taylor looked at the nameless boy pitifully and hugged him “I’ll take him he has a good singing voice and my wife will love him” Maria looked like she was going to feint as he stood in front of me “can you sing young man?”
My hand gripped Maria’s hand harder as I swallowed “I-” Maria elbowed my side to remind me. I nodded and sung the first verse of amazing grace a little shakily. He nodded and moved in front of Maria as if he was still deciding. She squeezed my hand to let me know I did well and it would be okay if I didn’t make it.
Syth stepped up “I don’t know if you want this one Taylor. When your kids say she was trouble they weren’t lying, at first she wouldn’t stop crying and she wouldn’t eat plush she caused trouble with her bunk mate who unfortunately we had to but down. Now she doesn’t shut up at night don’t share her food and is very resistant she made me lose one of my valuable customers. Her own father doesn’t want her he put her on the collateral and kicked her out of the house. ”
Maria winced and squeezed my hand to hard and I let out a gasp. Taylor looked at my hand than to her hand and smiled at Maria “I see you made a friend it seems that you were having some problems do you mind singing for me?
Maria nodded she didn’t bother singing the octaves or the lame amazing grace she did something different and pressed to stand out despite her still just as tight grip on my hand. She started sinning as smoothly as she did last night except she sounded different. She didn’t sound as if she were trying to soothe someone though it was similar to the country grandma played on the gramophone. It sounded as if she was trying to get a message across to all who were listening
“we know you’re here We know that you do hear
but why don’t you listen why don’t answer
we know live we know that don’t care
but don’t why forgive yeah why don’t you forgive?
Is living life this hard
Is it that hard to say you don’t care
Why don’t you even try
Why do you just stare?
Is living life this hard
Do we seem that bad
Why don’t you listen
why don’t you care
do we have to scream it out loud
from the roof tops or on the ground
stop treating us like we don’t care
why don’t you listen why don’t you care”

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2 Re: A song to sing on Fri Aug 05, 2011 4:36 am


Maria stopped and kept a hold of my hand she seemed dependent of its warmth like she would die from hypothermia if I pulled my hand away. It was kind of scaring me because I never imaged her this week she always the one who inspired me even if she didn’t know it I guess now it was my turn to support her the best I could the way grandma taught me. Taylor smiled “it seems I will be three home since they seem so attached eh Syth”
Syth shook his head and sucked his teeth “your wife Is going to be upset” he sounded like he was playing
Taylor shrugged “she will be okay when she hears how you treat these kids even though they are your property you still need to feed them decently and don’t leave them to defend to themselves”
Syth laughed and glared at Taylor “yeah you have your way and I have mine so are you going to buy ‘em or not I got other customers and mola to count”
Taylor sighed and nodded “you aint changed much Syth you’d care more about money than the quality of your products” Syth laughed and took the check from him but it wasn’t Syth or Taylor I was worried about Maria her legs were shaking a little and she looked like she was about to feint. Taylor smiled toward us “your friend is looking mighty sick why you don’t carry her”
Syth glared at Taylor and shrugged “their your mess now” I ignored his cold remark and picked up Maria like she was my bride (I know it’s a strange thought but hey maybe one day ill forget Nicole and if we make it past it the boss will let us but then again she doesn’t seem to like me that way) her cheeks were way to flushed but she shrugged it off and cuddled to my chest. Taylor laughed “that’s right sleep up because tonight we are throwing a party and we need performances” I nodded.
The nameless boy hesitated “sir… could you please give me a name”
Taylor studied him and smiled “how about … Alex?”
Alex nodded and smiled “thank you sir”
Taylor smiled but didn’t respond and I hugged Maria and she fell asleep in my arms. Syth must not liked it because he growled at me and Maria. “I knew aint nothing good coming out of you mutt” I didn’t answer him only looked past Maria and onto the ground no one in my whole entire life at the orphanage had called me a mutt so I didn’t know how to respond I just simply followed the father out into the hall were the girls the twins had chosen were already getting a preview of what was waiting for them at the new home we had.
Taylor slapped them both upside the head and growled at them “save that for tonight don’t show that to your seven year old sister.”
The red head frowned “aww pops why not it’s not like in 11 years she won’t be doing this with her husband”
The blond nodded in agreement as we walked outside and loaded onto the back of Taylor’s horse wagon “hey boy not Alex the other one holding the girl what’s your name?”
“Daniel sir” I laid Maria in the corner opposite of where I was going to sit and I almost frowned grandma would slap me for treating people who were the same age as me like superiors “may I ask your name sirs?”
The twins laughed evilly like this was new for them and they enjoyed the power but Taylor shut them down immediately by slapping them on the back of their heads “child don’t call them sir just call the red head Fred and the blond matt” the blond shrugged “we won’t be seeing much of you anyways so don’t bother get to know us
Fred shrugged and went back to what he was saying earlier “hey do you mind watching our sister and her new toy while we have fun up here?”
I frowned wasn’t the playmate suppose to be taking care of her. Well anyways now I was stuck with two rowdy kids who were dangerously close to waking up a sleeping girl and telling from last night you really don’t want to do that. I smiled at the girls “so girls what your names?”
Taylors kid almost yelled “I am Lucy”
The playmate smiled and said softly “I’m China” she looked like the fine China that grandma made us eat on.
I smiled and whispered “nice to meet you Lucy and China and China and Lucy” I shook both their hands crossed to make them giggle “Lucy, China my friend Maria is sleeping over here she is very tired and we have to work tonight so how about we play a game.” They both got big eyed and nodded slowly “so the title of this game is the quiet game you have to give it everything you got because if you do there is a prize in the end. Do you want to play?” they both nodded vigorously and I continued “the object of the game is to remain as quiet for as long as possible the rules are no laughing, no cheating and you can do whatever you want as long as it makes no noise” Lucy raised her hand and I smiled “what is the prize” this stopped me I had to think about it so I grabbed the sides of the buggy and walked slowly up to the front were Mr. Taylor was driving the wagon “sir I’m playing a game with your kids you know the silent game and I was wondering if I could use your kitchen to make a prize?”
Taylor laughed “good luck getting the chef to let you do that but if you do get him to cooperate go ahead oh and we probably have a couple hour more of travel“ I nodded and went back to the back “okay the prize is… are you ready?” they nodded again “candy have you ever had homemade candy?”
China shook her head silently and slowly. Lucy frowned “no we only read about candy dad says that it doesn’t exist anymore.”
I laughed “to some people it doesn’t but to us orphanage kids it was a source of profit or food. When we were each old enough we were taught to make it”
They nodded this China spoke to us “when dose it start?”
I tapped my chin three times just to build up the suspension “now”
The girls locked their lips with an imaginary keys I smiled and looked at them play some kind of advance form of patty cake. I smile at them than curl up on my side of the wagon. They both looked at me and smiled Lucy went over to Maria and cuddled into her chest and fell quickly asleep Maria smiled in her sleep and draped an arm over her. I couldn’t help but smile and China smiled at me and cuddled close to me and fell asleep before I did all I could do for the next half hour was watch the sky it was getting darker and closer to night. The first star was out and I started to remember…
When I was kid before we were responsible for taking care of each other and even before Dustin came into our lives I used to watch the stars with grandma. I was one of her first kids. No one knew about NANA’S House of Humanity they all thought it was another abandoned soup kitchen offering no relief to its efforts outside. All we did all night was watch the stars night I could point out the big dipper, the Southern Crown, or some times when I’m lucky hydra. I always was either there or in the chapel because it felt so calming there and I could feel something there something inside of me that isn’t there in the rest of the orphanage. Grandma liked to sit on the pew across me well she wasn’t always sitting sometimes she was kneeling and praying. Most of the time I was thinking. Everything was so bright for me I never knew what darkness laid before me I never knew that I would be protecting a girl I never knew that life would be this hard. For me all I could think about was why I lived why he wanted me to live if I had no life. Why did Nicole have to die and I had to live? What was so special about me? That was one thing I will never know.
China tapped my shoulder and sat up she pointed to the three story mansion in front of us and then to her lips that reminded me that they were playing the silent game “wow you really wanted that candy didn’t you? Yes you can talk”. Lucy’s mouth started flying at nine hundred and twenty miles an hour while she was talking to China apparently they were suppose to come to the party. I smiled and shook Maria lightly “Maria time to wake up”
Maria rubbed her eyes and looked up “huh how did I get here?”
“I carried you to the wagon you seemed tired” I smiled
She nodded confused “oh yeah”
“You ready?” I smiled at her and helped her up
She jumped off the wagon and looked confused “for what?”
I face palmed and looked at her “I’m sorry you weren’t awake to hear that we are performing to night”
Maria looked at me “so I actually have to perform”
All I could do was nod I didn’t know what was so bad about it “yeah why”
She shook her head and smiled “nothing guesses this starts our new life eh?’
I laughed and nodded “yeah hopefully we can make it” I reached out my hand not knowing if she would take it. For some reason she seemed different than she did in the cage. Maybe she finally calmed down. She didn’t take my hand and she left me standing there and followed the twins’ girls and the playmate. Guess I was wrong this time maybe she hasn’t changed. I ran after Maria and China and smiled at China that looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t worry you will have your candy soon I will see what I can do right after I get done tonight.” China got bright eyed and grabbed Marias hand, Maria took it after wincing. I wonder what’s wrong with her but hey I can’t exactly go up and say “why are you wincing?” grandma in this situation would walk up to her and hug her shoulder than make her sit down and say “child you’re as nervous as a cat hovering over a tub fool of water whats your problem” and as always she would like any child with a problem and confess their problem. Okay so I don’t think Maria is the exact average ordinary teen but hey everyone has a soft spot for old people I am not the only one. Then again she might be one of the ones with a soft spot for children considering she was helping kids she didn’t know for six years straight. This is life I guess, you get to know a person, you lose them, and then you meet someone new and pray to god (if he exist) you don’t lose them too only I lost more than one person. Mr. Taylor snapped me from thinking and smiled “we have about a half hour before you perform”
I nodded “um about tonight can me and Maria share a room please I’m not being fishy I just feel calmer sleeping in the same room with people I know” that and the lullaby situation
Taylor started laughing loudly and I started to get nervous why the heck was he laughing manically “Syth actually suggested it, said something about you two behave better if your around each other didn’t tell me why though”
Shock didn’t describe the moment now why in the world did Syth say that “okay do you have some drums I actually play better than I do sing”
Taylor shook his head and said angrily “I bought singers that’s what I need that’s what you do”
I nodded knowing that this was a best time to suck up “yes sir do you know where I could find Maria?”
“She’s with China and Lucy but don’t disturb them” Taylor glared at me as if I were a murderer
I nodded “yes sir I won’t I am sorry for asking for the drums I am clearly fortunate to have a master like you because if I weren’t I would most likely be dead right now” only grandma and Maria could resist my talking I could sweet talk my way past anyone and judging the look on Taylor’s face I won. It was just too easy to fool rich people.
Maria came in frantic and her eyes were pink “my-my-my-my- gone missing”
I grabbed her by the shoulders lightly ignoring Taylor “calm down Maria whats wrong whats missing?” then I searched her wrist the rosary that she wore wrapped around her wrist with the cross tucked in was missing, the only reason I remember it is because it was a part of Dustin’s assumable a old baseball hat lose tank top and baggy shorts
Maria was in full panic mode so I did what my grandma would do in this situation and hugged her lightly eventually she calmed “my beads are missing”
“Where have you seen them last” Mr. Taylor asked stupidly and Maria started to lose focus again and seemed very scatter brained
“She had it before we left and she left before I could see if she had it on after she got out of the wagon” I said in place of Maria
“Can you tell me what they look like” Taylor asked, again Maria was lost and worried she was looking at the clouds trying to hold back tears
“It was a old rosary glass beads but each of them have a drop of purple in the center each of the centers were also etched with saints like St. Teresa and St. Dominic also it had a silver cross and silver medal. Despite the beauty of the rosary it is only worth one penny, a simple child’s toy, well a lower class’s child’s toy.” I looked down they were staring at me like I stole it like I was a stalker or something “I saw the same one at the market when I was eleven.”
Maria spoke first “he’s right it holds more sentimental value than an economical.”
Taylor nodded “alright children let’s get to it I will have the staff look out for it and we have about fifteen more minutes to search for it so try not to get dirty or sweaty “ we both nodded and she grabbed my hand looking for the comfort that was no longer around her. I smiled but memories were already flowing I waited till Taylor left “you know… my grandma had the same rosary in fact you gave it to her”
Maria looked confused “huh I did?”
I nodded “when you visited the orphanage once you brought it with you and gave it to my grandma she took it and smiled brightly and you smiled back and left I still can’t believe that all this time Dustin was a she I mean back then you didn’t have a figure or anything”
She glared at me “I was ten when I started out and thirteen when I started bringing food to the orphanage”
“What just saying” I started to laugh she glared at me and elbowed me in my rib and I fell “seriously that hurt ow”
She grinned victorious “when you mess with the bull you get the horns”
Than we stopped in front of the kids room and she stopped smiling. She knocked lightly on the door but before she went in I stopped her “you think it’s here?”
She shrugged “this is where I was last”
I rolled my eyes “hey kids whats up” I said and walked into the wooden room the girls were sitting on the bed and China was braiding Lucy’s hair. “Guess what I got a deal you ready” Maria raised an eyebrow and I shrugged and turned my attention to the girls who where nodding on the bed. “Maria has lost something very important to her it’s a rosary do you know what a rosary is?”
Lucy shook her head if but China nodded “yes sir”
“Well here’s the deal if you girls help find it I’ll make double the candy”
They both squealed and started to look at each other and China finished Lucy’s braid “when do we start?”
“Now” I smiled and hugged them Maria was staring at me still and I shrugged “come on we should start looking”
She held up her hand “how did you trick a bunch of five year olds”
I got confused “tricked I didn’t trick anyone I really know how to make candy”
“yeah right and I’m a horse who is about to marry Pope John Paul the second” she glared at me “okay here is a dare you make candy and I will French kiss you for a whole minute” why was she being harsh it was just candy anyone not rich could make it right? I guess I was wrong
“okay deal but first we should go we spent the whole time fighting and not looking so now it’s time for the party” I sighed
She looked nervous and I bit my lip and handed her a similar rosary but it was green instead it was grandmas and she gave it to me maybe it would help Maria. She looked at it and pushed it away than stood up and went to the party not saying anything. When I got to the party Alex was singing she was already in line to get on stage. Nobody looked at me so I went over to her. The closer I got to her the more I felt something was wrong. She was lightly sweating and her eyes seemed not focused yeah these are normal symptoms for loss of something and nervousness but it seemed different. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on what was going on. She sighed as soon as I walked up behind her and hissed at me “same rules as the auction apply here do your best I will see what I can do to help.” I don’t know why she was helping me to begin with but it will keep me alive. She was on the stage her voice started singing words I never heard before well they sounded familiar and I spent the whole time she was singing trying to figure out what the heck was singing. She tapped my shoulder when I was suppose to go on and handed me a sheet with lyrics on it “sing this and you should do fine” I nodded and grabbed the mike and froze for a little, it was the national anthem that was what she was singing maybe because it was so close to the fourth of July the day that America celebrated its freedom and the day world war III ended leaving us in this despair. No one but the rich celebrated it now I went on the stage and tripped this earns a couple of laughs from the audience “pray for me because this is the first time I have actually performed” I starred at the paper and listened to the silence that filled the room than I let the words flow from my mouth

Can I ask a question?
Will you listen to me?
Why try now if I know you’ll probably forget
Can I ask a question?
Will you even hear?
Why do I bother?
If you can’t change
How do I know if you’re listening?
How do I know if you care?
Why do I bother?
If you won't change
One thing I want to know
Is if you even care
Why let us live
If all you want to do is swear
Living life like this is nothing we want to do
So why brother why?
Why sister why?
Can you hear me now?
Why brother why?
Why tell me why sister why?
Their reaction was scary. The silence hung in the air. Their eyes looked very cruel all of the sudden and they looked like giants. They stared at me their jaws hanging open like I suddenly appeared out of nowhere. My heart started pumping at fifty miles an hour and I looked around was the silence a good thing or a bad thing if only Dustin would rescue me. Wait she did so that means that it is my fault that I’m about to be beat to a pulp wait should I run and hide in the shacks in the back that will be our homes. What should I do? Then something in the atmosphere changed instead of the killing silence I was getting before someone had started to clap and then another until the whole room was clapping. China and Lucy pulled me off the stage and started blabbing about the candy and took them to the kitchen “Lucy who is the head chef”
Lucy looked around the kitchen and pointed at a skinny tall buff guy “mark”
“It’s not polite to point Lucy” China pointed out
“But daddy says I can do whatever I want” China sighed at Lucy and Lucy frowned “is a slave allowed to do that?” than China got real upset and started to cry hard so I picked her up.
Mark came over “why are my girls crying today?
“Lucy’s being mean” China cried and said between her sobs Lucy stuck her nose up
“Am not”
“Is too”
“Am not”
“Is too”
“Am not”
“Is not” China smiled knowing what was going to happen
“Am to” Lucy frowned at the fact that she messed up
Mark sighed “girls cut it out who’s your friend?”
“I’m Daniel nice to meet you I made a promise to the girls that I’d make candy for them if they would play the quiet game on the way home and I was wander-“
Mark cut in before I could finish “you were wondering if I could let you use my kitchen” He used a firm voice that told me that he was going to say no but when I went to leave the kitchen he laughed and patted my shoulder “boy you are brave come here and cook”
I looked at him unsure if I should follow him he laughed again “you’re not trying to trick me?” I raised an eyebrow this man looked like he used to be in the army or at least he fit the qualities grandma told us that the army was like
He laughed harder and Lucy started to giggle which caused me to laugh. China didn’t she just sat there staring until she finally smiled “is this time to make candy yet?”
I smiled and sat her down on the ground “hum you know what I think it’s getting late and past both of you girls bedtime don’t you mark?”
Mark nodded “in the morning we will have some candy but sugar before bedtime is bad for you”
China nodded “where will I be staying?”
Lucy piped up even though she shouldn’t have “you are a servant so you’ll be staying in the back with the rest of my toys”
All of us starred at her as if she was an alien and technically she was to our world of loss. But still she was too young to know that type of stuff just like she is too young to know the difference between an average person and her. That the average person didn’t live long or the average person missed at least one meal a week or an average person is not rich. Most of us didn’t care how the rich treated us as long as they didn’t mess with us and her father seemed nice enough but somehow what Lucy just said... it seemed like the cruelest thing ever in my lifetime. She didn’t move so I took china’s hand lightly “hey why don’t we go see Maria she will make you feel better.”
Mark nodded as if on cue and picked up Lucy “I think it’s time for bed missy”
“Aww grandpa do I have too?” she frowned
He nodded and said sternly “I think so we can ask your paw, paw.”
“No! No reason to ask dad” she smiled and hopped of his hip and ran toward her room
Mark nodded to me “if she ever gives you trouble promise to tell her paw”
“okay sir good night” I smiled politely but in my mind I was still raging over what happen no one told me that a child, a mere 7 year old could be so selfish , uncaring and un-lady like. At the orphanage we taught the children to be different this girl was just … I don’t even know how to describe her.
China stopped and stood still “is it true what she says about us? Are we really just slave’s servants, and toys?”
That made me stand still and look at her she still had tears in her eyes and also on her cheeks. So I squatted down and wiped them from her face. "listen to me what they say is only half way true, yes they did buy us but they only bought our bodies. They didn't buy your soul. No one can buy your soul because it is what makes you who you are don't ever let anyone take your soul because if you do then life won't be worth living and you will want to die. If every person tries to buy your soul it is up to you whether you let them have it or not. And if anyone does try to take it and succeeds, than find something worth living for and don't let go"
She nodded and wiped her eyes “okay thank you can you be big brother?”
I had an ‘aww how cute’ moment before I answered her by hugging her and standing back up “of course now I think Maria is waiting on us at home”
“Is a shack really going to be our home?” she frowned
“any place where your soul is, is your home” even though I didn’t really believe it I guess I have to give her something just like the parents offered their kids to explain where babies come from or Santa Claus. No one knew if it was the right thing to do but it offered temporarily hope.
Maria was pacing back and forth when we got to the cabin. China looked at her and back at me “what is she doing she never did this in the cell.”
“I think it’s because she lost her rosary, you remember that thing that she always had wrapped around her wrist?” I waited for her to nod and let Maria pace in the small space she had “well it always calmed her I think it is like a pacifier or security blanket to her.” Maria had stopped pacing but now she was staring into space and breathing shallowly. So I sat China on the twin size bed we’d be sharing and went over to Maria and touched her shoulder lightly “Maria is you okay?”
She looked at me than looked beside herself “who is Maria?”
I looked at her shocked and felt her forehead “are you okay you’re Maria?”
She nodded “oh yeah I am Maria and who are you?” I felt her forehead and sighed she had a forehead she had almost the same symptoms as Nicole.
I sighed “hey Maria do you want to go to sleep I think you’re sick”
She nodded and smiled like she was drunk “I sleepy mommy”
“I am not your mom” I said calmly
“Are you my guardian angel?” she said looking even more confused.
That made me sigh again and I pulled her over to the bed China was sitting on and made her sit than I picked our meals from the nightstand and handed them their plates and sat down on the ground “I’m not your guardian angel I’m your friend Daniel”
She nodded and took the plate and began eating the rice with her fingers. I handed her my plate and stood up. “I’m going to stand outside why don’t you to change and call me when you’re done. China could you please help Maria?” China nodded and let me leave. China came out later wearing the thin sundress that Taylor expected the girls to wear everyday and pulled on my hand “she is ready can we go to sleep yet?”
I nodded and went in. you could see the top of Maria’s sundress above the cover she was already asleep in a spot closest to the wall China climbed in beside her underneath the covers and I was the last to crawl into the cramped space.
No one else went up to the rooftop at night with grandma and me except for Nicole she could tell you the constellation of any star there was even the complicated ones and then one day a bunch of people showed up at the orphanage and grandma graciously excepted them saying that “this is a act of god child aint nothing else about it and it’s our job as his children to except them” and all I did was sit there and nod like a good non problematic child no one expected for the outside world to touch grandma’s orphanage. We went on for the next three years without knowing what was going on and then the world slowly made its way into our home with each child they couldn’t help it but it happened. That stupid dieses hit us too Nicole was the first to go Nicole at age fifteen passed before my eyes. She was my girlfriend at the time and everyone thought us to be the perfect couple. Everyone thought that we would marry under the stars that we starred at night and have perfect good looking children with stars in their eyes too. I was too late to save her. one night I was sitting by her bed her death hadn’t been a quick one (we all knew she had A.N.L.) all week she had been sick I gave her my half of the little food that Dustin brought us I changed her rag that was warm for a cold one and covered her with my blankets and the thing that tore at my heart the most hearing her shallow breath coming quickly but today was different it told me she was ready to leave earth and go where ever grandma says they go. Right then and there it felt hard to believe in god and haven but to make her feel better I whispered the first thing that came to my mind “Nicole I’m here can you hear me?” I held her hand firmly she nodded and swallowed “Nicole l love you and I will always but it’s time for you to go” Nicole nodded and smiled and pointed at a note I noticed her writing last night than closed her eyes and her thin body went limb. Tears started to well in my eyes but I didn’t move. I couldn’t my eyes were glued to her dead body she was dead gone she had left this world but she was still here too it made start to think. What if there was no god that if it was something created to make people feel better. No one had even proved that the god exist maybe that’s the point that this girl won’t move to another paradise. She won’t be warm no more her hands that once warmed mine will remain cold. Her eyes won’t see the stars anymore there isn’t hope. All I can do is pick up the note and hold it in my hand I don’t read it I don’t stand I stay still and wait for grandma to come and save me from my nightmare to wake me up from my dream but she never came.

Last edited by niabebe on Fri Aug 05, 2011 4:43 am; edited 1 time in total

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3 Re: A song to sing on Fri Aug 05, 2011 4:39 am



I woke up the next morning I woke and I didn’t remember anything from the day before. All I know is China was curled up at my chest and Daniel was behind her. I got up and stretched what the heck had happened why can’t I remember anything? Daniel woke up and looked me in the eyes he looked like he had a nightmare that was really bad. “are you okay Daniel and what happened yesterday how did we get here?”
He looked at me confused and sat up “you don’t remember us getting bought or you singing last night? ”
he started feeling on my forehead and I pushed his hand away “what do you mean bought? We were at a auction?”
“yes” I really couldn’t understand him now, he was looking at me as if I was going to die. He felt my forehead again this time I didn’t move he nodded “oh and Taylor that’s the guy that bought us says on spare time we are to watch the children: China and Lucy are all we have to watch but I have to do something this morning so have fun watching them I will meet you in Lucy’s room later oh and don’t freak but your rosary is missing.”
I frowned mom and my brother, Miguel had given that to me when I was five they worked hard to get it and now it was gone maybe that was why I felt so cold because it wasn’t there.
Daniel stood up finally and shook China lightly “China its time to get up sweetie Lucy is waiting for you why don’t you to go play”
China stretched and turned over “I don’t want to Lucy is a big spoiled meanie”
He sighed and poked her until she faced him again (which is very child like if you ask me) “China I know she’s mean but you still have to play with her how about this if you be a good girl and be kind to Lucy despite how she treats you I will make your candy extra sweet. Um and Maria do you remember you dare?”
I glared at him is he stupid if I don’t remember yesterday how the heck would I remember a dare. “no”
He sighed “you said I couldn’t make candy and I said I could so you said and I quote ‘yeah right and I’m a horse who is about to marry Pope John Paul the second okay here is a dare you make candy and I will French kiss you for a whole minute’ is that still valid?”
Really I said that I must have eaten something bad yesterday if I said I was a horse about to marry pope john the second but then again I still don’t think he can make candy “I have to taste and sure”
He nodded and left the room leaving me with China I starred at her and she starred back than she finally stood up and got off the bed “we should go big meanie is waiting”.
I followed her of the bed and stretched a little then grabbed her hand “okay lead the way”
She nodded and went through the small whole meant for a door and started to walk toward the way “did you really promise big brother a kiss?”
I shrugged “I don’t really remember yesterday what happened”
“we were bought from the big boss meanie and sold to a new meanie well mister Taylor is nice but his daughter is the biggest meanie ever her name is Lucy. And yesterday big brother took care of you he carried you out of big boss meanie’s house and onto the wagon and made sure you got sleep and gave you his food and stopped me and Lucy from fighting. Oh and I know who has your rosary but I am not allowed to tell its Lucy” she covered her mouth and held her breath
“how do you know its Lucy” I frowned and uncovered her mouth but she just covered it back up
Finally after she started turning purple she let out a huge breath and explained “she took it from you when you were sleeping on the wagon I saw her put it on one of her dollies I wasn’t suppose to tell”
Somehow I believed her “okay I will ask her”
She frowned and stooped “please don’t she will be mad with me”
“no she won’t it will be me who ask”
She still shook her head and looked like she was about to cry so I sighed “I won’t”
China smiled weakly like she was still about to cry”thank kou”
I laughed “it’s called thank you how about we go find Lucy”
She made a pouty face and I made a stern face so she nodded “okay” we walked to Lucy’s room and I was trying to think of a way to ask Lucy for my rosary back without getting China involved. She opened Lucy’s door. Lucy was on the bed sprawled out and I went over to her she wasn’t breathing and had little to no pulse. China looked scared I started doing CPR “China go get her father quick.” Lucy started to come around and I stopped “Lucy its Maria can you hear me?”
She grunted lightly but didn’t respond I didn’t move her around and got up myself to look for the cause of her lost of breath there was a small bottle of ammonia on the ground beside her bed I went over and smelled like the ammonia her breath had returned to normal and her eyes flickered slowly. China rushed in holding Lucy’s fathers hand “she there see she wasn’t breathing and now she is what do we do Mr. Taylor is she okay why is she looking like that ”
He put his hand lightly over china’s mouth “calm child find the servant called Ron and have him send for the doctor Maria I am glad to see your okay but I need you to tell me whats going on.”
“Sir me and China walked in and I found your child unconscious I told China to find you. When I got her stable by performing CPR I looked around and found this” I held up the ammonia bottle “she drank it you can smell it on her breath” he leaned over to sniff her breath and confirmed what I had said. “I don’t know what to say you are some detective missy”
China ran in “Ron says one of the servants is giving birth and the doc is busy”
“tell him this is a emergency” he growled China nodded and ran out of the room
“sir she should be okay as soon as it’s out of her system she should probably puke it up ” I had seen the same thing when I was younger my dad left the chemicals he used at work on the floor beside my sisters bottle on her play area. Being that there is no government assistance we had to go to our neighbors (they were doctors) to ask what to do they made her swallow charcoal dust.
He nodded “how do we do that”
“we had my sister swallow charcoal dust but I don’t recommended it” I sighed and rubbed my head even though China said she was a meanie and I never met the kid I hated seeing kids in pain so this didn’t sit right with me
China ran in “he’s coming”
“okay I will see what the doctor recommends for now you are excused please go back to your shack with China I know she hates that her friend is hurt I’m sure she is still sleepy since they were up late last night ”
I nodded and took china’s hand lightly “why don’t we go take a nap I am a little sleepy you?”
She nodded and rubbed her eyes “lets go big sis night Mr. Taylor ” we went outside and I heard whispering knew it was about me because one was saying Maria this and th but because it sounded like a branch of Spanish I ignored it and walked with China to the shack. we crawled through the small whole. Somehow I wish Daniel was here for some reason he makes me feel safer like my older brother did. That in the fact that he could speak Spanish since the owner of the orphanage was from Spain , a rare thing since most of anyone who wasn’t American born was deported during WWIII.
China pulled me onto the bed and I curled into my corner that I was in earlier “are you ready to sleep sweetie?”
She nodded we both knew that a meal wasn’t coming tonight at the moth eaters headquarters we went five days before a meal. Maybe we would be lucky and this place would have meals every other day but I somehow doubt it. “well let’s get some shut eye”
When I woke up Daniel was leaning over me “mark sent his concern when he heard your sick”
I sat and bumped heads with him while I was rubbing my forehead I knew a frown was on my face “whose mark and I’m not sick just a minor fever” than I saw the bag in his hand “that’s what candy look likes?”
“Mark is the head chef, here is some try some I already gave Lucy hers and I doubled the recipe so there’s enough for you and China to share I don’t really care for it”
I couldn’t help but felt my frown turn into a wide smile “wow it looks yummy I’m going to wake China we had been whispering on the foot of the bed so I doubt she was awake
she giggled and sat up (guess that proves me wrong) “I’m up Maria can we have the candy now?”
Daniel and I looked at each than back to her and broke out laughing finally Daniel came and sat on his small section of the bed. He handed China the bed and she took one of the sphere like candies and plopped in her mouth than savored the taste. I smiled harder because she looked so cute like when you are holding your baby sister and they say their first word. Daniel grinned “your turn open your mouth” I held back a grin and opened my mouth and he popped in something sweet “don’t chew on it, it will hurt your teeth”
I nodded and sucked on the candy until the favorable taste disappeared. “aww I guess owe you something do I have to?”
He rubbed his chin “hmm I don’t know it’s up to you it is the girls choice”
I shrugged and slumped back on my pillow and China giggled hard “guess she says no sorry big brother”
He sighed and curled up on his spot “well that was humiliating”
I laughed hard until my stomach hurt and studied his face. He was actually red from what I guess was embarrassment “are you okay you look like my mom’s work dress” (no need say her occupation as a stay at home mom was the best thing for her fashion taste the dress me of the picnic table cloth)
He finally shook it of with a unsure laugh “yeah I’m fine”
China eyes were opening and closing like she was finally falling asleep so I started to whisper instead of talking normally “okay why are you still blushing”
He turned away from me “goodnight Nicole”
I frowned “whose Nicole I’m Maria”
He got up and walked to the door before turning back toward me he looked like he was about to cry and was even blinking away a few tears “she’s no one well at least not anymore” then he walked outside and you could hear creaking on the roof like he had gotten on top of it. I wonder who is Nicole maybe I should go talk to him. then again he seemed very upset my brother said that guys like to be alone and solve through their emotions. I went outside despite my brothers voice in my head telling me to stay in the shack. “go back in I want to be alone”
“no come down your going to hurt the shack isn’t sturdy no matter how skinny you are please just off it” I grabbed his hand that hung off the low roof “please”
He shook off my hand and the tin of the roof creaked as he turned “no go away”
I growled and pulled him off the roof (I’m surprised it didn’t break) a note fell from his hand and he didn’t notice he was to pissed off and trying to escape me prying information from him. I picked it up and read it
I am very happy for the time together and you must remember I do love you but you don’t need to let that ruin your life. Even after the pain you will suffer of loss, I need you to move on. Seriously keep looking at the stars and find you a good girl. Don’t worry this isn’t just some ranting of a diluted girl whose severely sick. I managed to write this in one of the few times when I didn’t feel like I was on fire. I will miss you be safe, and no matter what pray our fates are not the same.
♥Love ♥

Somehow I knew that starting him with my jaw hanging off my mouth wasn’t a good thing but still he had a girlfriend? That seemed almost impossible he’s to dependent. Then he saw the note in my hand and ripped it from my hand “I told you I wanted to be alone and you go and mess with my stuff” he looked hurt and desperate.
I reached out my hand and stuttered for something to say “Daniel I’m sor-“
“just go inside like I said and leave me alone you don’t know nothing about me you never knew me so why do you care you are nothing but a stupid brat you are not Dustin maybe you never were just leave me alone” he screamed and stormed off and I staid were I was standing
China came out rubbing her eyes “whats going on big sister why was Daniel yelling”
“he’s upset about someone he lost” I know I was breaking my own rules to do this but this was the one time my instincts were conflicting with my rules. Rule five was trust your instincts but I’m also assuming that Nicole was someone he cared about. I am just so confused its times like these that I wish his grandmother was alive. She was the go to lady when you need someone to talk to. When I was Dustin I didn’t just go to the orphanage to help, I also went to ask for advice. My mother wasn’t much of the person I would like to go to she was always asleep or cleaning. So I’d go to the orphanage dressed as Dustin the same baggy shorts tank top and leave dressed like Dustin except for I look less like him. My long hair was down and my tank top was switched with a shirt she would give me to where ever it. I hate that I abandoned her for a year but back then I was grieving and I was a idiot .I knew she couldn’t do it all alone I knew that there was over fifty –nine kids in that place and that she needed help desperately but I was just a stupid sixteen year old. I thought maybe just maybe she would be better off without the stupid tomboy who was too weak to stop her brother from dyeing. She was the first person I stopped helping and slowly I stopped caring and I stopped helping everyone else within two months of my brother’s death. Then I got kidnapped and I while I was in the cell I heard one of the people say that the owner of NANA’S House of humanity was murdered, she was actually beaten to death. I had never met Daniel before that maybe when he said he was from the orphanage I was feeling sorry for him because I knew. China on the other hand she was from the streets she was also one of the kids I helped. Thankfully she was kidnapped before I went psycho.
China was asleep on the bed but Daniel hasn’t come back so eventually I got up to go look for him but she woke up and looked at me “where are you going sissy?”
“I am going to go look for big brother why don’t you go back to sleep” I kissed her forehead thank god she didn’t know I was Dustin.
She shook her head “I’m to scared can you please stay” I sighed and laid back down and she cuddled into my chest “I had a nightmare”
“what was it about” I studied her face she had a little bit of tears and her cheeks were flushed “do you want a candy?” I handed it and she started to suck on it
“it was when my mommy died” she was really holding back the tears despite the fact she was sucking on the candy
“why don’t you calm down and you can tell me about it” she nodded and rubbed her eyes and yawned and I smiled lightly at her “now are you better would you rather I tell a story than you have to talk about it”
“oo story yes please” she cuddled closer to my chest
“okay lets see hmm” I tapped my chin and tried to remember the store Daniel’s grandmother told me.

“Once upon a time there was a girl about my age. She was a powerful girl even though she didn’t know it. Every day she would put on her tattered long dress because it was the best thing she had. And every day she walked down to the market and sold paper flowers. She would eye the candy the street vendors sold. When it was a good day she would sell anywhere from ten to twenty paper flowers a day. One day she was a bad day she hadn’t sold any flowers and the money she had made a tax collector took from her like he did everyone else. the king was throwing a big party for his son and he wanted it to be the most beautiful thing every but not everyone was invited and especially her. she wasn’t upset about it she paid her taxes like a good citizen and believed that one day god would repay it back ten forward. That’s when a mysterious man showed up. He was wearing his hood and walking with a awkward limp in his steps. He touched the girls shoulder lightly and said with a crackly voice “hello young lady I am a guest in the town may I have a place to stay” the girl didn’t hesitate and said with a cheerful voice “well sir I don’t have much and my place is cardboard box but what I do have I will offer to you sir.” He smiled kindly and shook the girls hand and nodded his face still not showing and pointing to the ground. she led him back to her home and let him sit in their while she went back to selling her paper flowers before she left she turned around and smiled politely “you’re welcome to stay as long as you want” he nodded and continued to look down. When the day of work was over she took the money she made and bought a premade meal. The man nodded gratefully ate it and fell asleep in the small cardboard box leaving the young girl to sleep outside. the same thing kept on repeating until finally at dinner a week later the man talked using a young teenagers voice “thank you for showing me this great kindness in return I would like to repay you” she looked at him confused “just earlier you used a old man’s voice crackly now you use a voice so smooth it could be what the venders describe a singers voice” he shook his head “that is not of importance right now” he pulled off his hood revealing the crowned prince. She shook her head “I don’t care if you’re the crown prince why the lying I don’t know why you’re here but I would have helped anyone no matter who or what they are “I ran away” she slapped him upside the head “why you have everything there you have food you have shelter heck you have these glorious parties that your father pays with our money why and what the heck would you want to escape?” he sighed and leaned back against the wall “royalty the pressure and trust me I am very sorry about dad tippling the taxes” she nodded “still why escape it the whole thing seems not like a prince and more like a stubborn fool” he just shrugged “this may seem strange but I am having dreams of a girl like you except she is younger real younger, I drew her once and my father said it was a picture of the girl I played with as a child. She was a princess but she had been kidnapped away from her parents. No one has seen her for ten years.” She shook her head “I’m sorry you couldn’t find her but what does this have to do with me I’m just a orphan” he nodded “where did you get that necklace” he pointed to the golden chain with a single diamond in the shape of a tear drop hanging from her neck she shrugged “technically I don’t even know how I got here one morning I woke up in the alley with just my necklace” he nodded and rubbed his chin “I think you’re the person I’m looking for see” he held out his drawing and it showed a young girl fiddling with a necklace and looking over the shoulder at the window she shook her head and backed up against the wall “no I’m not I can’t be no leave me alone” she looked shocked and was gripping the wall as if it were the only thing supporting her he grabbed her arm “you are you have to be Tessa you have to be don’t you remember me?” she started to struggle anything to escape his tight grip on her arm “listen all I know is you’re the prince Richard I don’t know what else you’re talking about or who Tessa is.” His gripped loosened and he nodded “I guess so” then he shook his head pulled on his hood and grabbed her hand “you are still coming with me” she again struggled to get away and hit her head on the wall hard then fell unconscious. He sighed and picked her up put her into a car then took her to the castle. No one believed the prince as he tried to explain his bizarre and successful attempt to find the princess of Kristine the young and beautiful Tessa. In fact every one believed that the young prince of silversville had gone mad and had found a homeless girl who would not wake up. A girl trapped in sleep because she had not woken up in the past month while she was at the castle. Beside looking for the girls identity the prince demanded from his father cancel the party until Richard found out who the girl was. After a month sleep and no success a bad woman stepped forward “I know how to identify that girl using a fingerprint pasting.” “a what” the young prince said “a finger painting” the bad woman demonstrated what in modern times would be a booking in prison or what remains of it. the king being desperate for his son to stop ranting about some street rat and the prince being desperate to prove that the girl that helped him a month before and was now considered in a coma was Tessa of Kristine, both agreed to the idea without regret. The woman took the girl from the alley. When the woman returned from the room she was covered in blood “m’lord I am afraid to tell you this both but the princess is dead” Richard growled at the woman “that be Tessa’s blood on you?” the king popped Richard in the mouth “silence she needs to speak” the prince regretfully did as said and the old woman continued to tell her story though most of it a lie “no m’lords this be the guards blood I myself was lucky to escape the assassin’s quick sword as soon as I got done identifying that the young woman was the princess of Kristine I stepped out to tell you than the most terrifying thing happened I heard a noise and stepped back into the room to find the princess covered in blood and so were the guards.” the king nodded and was easily fooled but the prince ran to the tower where they had kept Tessa and found as the woman had said covered in blood but in her chest was a small dagger that he recognized the woman using before. He pulled it out and stopped her from bleeding then when he sewed her back up he found no pulse on her. totally enraged he went down stairs and murdered the murderer and went to Tessa’s room again. He slumped gracefully over her body and started to cry. When he felt something wipe a tear from his eye he looked down and saw Tessa looking up at him “why cry are you hurt why are you covered in blood” she said softly but he stopped her by kissing her hard “for many years I looked for you will you look for me to?” the young prince said knowing he sounded crazy. she looked confused and knew not how to answer because he made no sense “have you gone mad who is this who replaced the prince I dreamt about day after day who saved me from the dark ,cold and brought me to the light are you my night and shining armor or are you not?” he laughed and kissed her again. A year and a half later they where smiling at each other on the river’s edge sharing vows and holy marriage. The end”
I smiled at China who was sleeping curled into my chest Daniel still didn’t return and I was getting worried but I couldn’t do anything. Rule six ‘don’t complain to your owner’ is a very important rule. Besides I prefer not to get him in trouble maybe it was what was best.
A month later Daniel still hadn’t shown his face and I was really starting to get worried. Either he knew his way around and knew how to avoid me or he had been killed. Somehow I was dreading tonight because I know it will tell me the truth because we have a performance. Taylor sold the other boy Alex to the neighboring plantation so I was screwed if Daniel wasn’t alive. I still haven’t managed to get my rosary back from Lucy and the whispers are getting worst. Instead of full Spanish its half English half Spanish so I am hearing “son of a perra Ella es still with la niña” even with it half in English I get a feeling that someone wants either me or China alone by ourselves. That’s not the bad thing the bad thing is that tonight I will be because even if Daniel does show up it’s not a guarantee that he will talk to me. It feels weird to have to need someone but that is the case now. At least China was with me now otherwise I would punch every person that walked by and I know that I don’t want to get on Taylors bad side.
China pulled on my hand “are you okay you seem like you are in lala land”
Lucy giggled “yeah are you all right?”
China looked at the window and smiled “is it story time?”
I shook my head “time to get ready for the party”
They both sighed at the same time and Lucy pulled out her dress China grabbed my hand and waved to lucy “bye”
Lucy looked down “can you please stay and help?”
“who” I said calmly hopping she would say both of us
“China I nodded and turned to leave knowing that this was not good and I needed to find Daniel
China frowned “I want big sister to stay can she?”
Nice save China I smiled at the both of them “I wouldn’t mind in fact why don’t we help you and then China and I can go to our shacks and get our own dresses on”
Lucy thought about it hard and nodded “okay” we helped her into her dress than braided her hair. She smiled and pulled out her toy tiara and plopped it on her small head “I am a princess like dad calls me what did your parents call you?”
China answered first “mama called me sweet pea on a good day and pinky on a bad day”
“Aria” I answered than stood up I don’t want to look into the past but I guess I have to “my parents and I barely talked but my brother called me Aria time for us to go china” something told me to stall I know I should but really I just want to get the day over.
Lucy wasn’t about to let that happen obviously in fact it seemed like she was stalling “aria that’s pretty. Can I call you aria?”
I couldn’t help but wince “call me whatever you want but not aria please”
Lucy frowned and tapped her chin china looked around and lifted her finger “mar”
That was funny so I laughed lazily “sure I am mar from mars”
Lucy looked confused “where’s mars”
I shrugged and sat back down “ma kept a book on older planets she sometimes would go outside and look at the planets we didn’t have a microscope but we could still see good one times she showed me mars”
Lucy looked down “Maria do you think I’m a spoiled big jerk”
“No sweetie why?” I picked her up and sat her on my lap china crawled over to where I was sitting on a bed. Over the month I had been babysitting her yes she did seem spoiled but that was just how she was raised.
“Because I stole your rosary and I hid it and I keep on treating you bad” she looked down
I let her curl into my chest and I rubbed her hair soothingly “what makes you say that is it because of your mommy leaving your dad?” Mr. Taylor and Regina had been fighting for a while now and according to the gossip bussing it had been going on for over a year ever since mike died. He was the youngest child.
Lucy nodded and the way she looked reminded me of Lisa when she lost her pet cat “its just that I miss my mommy why did she run away was it because of me?”
I hugged her tightly “no she left of her own free will she made the decision I can’t tell you why she left because I didn’t hear why from her but I know that she loved you. I can tell from the few times I met Regina that she loved you. She most likely needs a break from the house.”
Lucy nodded and china looked at the window “we should be going its almost dark”
I smiled at Lucy “I will see you at the party okay and why don’t you keep my rosary safe for tonight but I would like it back tomorrow thank you” china looked at me confused but Lucy was smiling so I shrugged and pulled China out of the room.
Behind me I heard the whispers in plain English “we strike tonight”
The other voice sighed “but the party people will notice if she is gone and what of the brat”
That was the last I heard of the conversation as much as I wanted to stay and spy the tone of their voices tell me that I need to get china out of harm’s way so I picked her up and ran toward the shack.
When we got outside I sat her back down she looked at me and smiled “come on lets hurry up” she ran to the shack.
It happened so fast I barely saw a two tall unclear figures push over the shack right after china ran into it. I tried to scream but someone stuck a rag over my face and the world around me slowly started to fade.

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